During this Weirdest Time in the History of My World, I’ve had plenty of time to contemplate, usually long after I should’ve been asleep. Reality is so surreal, that I’ve lost all concept of time. As bedtime has been pushed back to ridiculous hours, so has our wake up time. Most days, Cowboy and I are barely finished with breakfast and his on-line vocational work, before it’s time for lunch. I’m sure my mind has subconsciously willed this new sleep schedule to make the days seem shorter; it’s easier to work at home for six hours, rather than for ten.
Many of my late-night thinking regards what the future will be like. And, like everyone, I remember what life was like a mere six weeks ago. But with all we’ve lost during this time, my family has gained a lot, too.
It‘s been wonderful having Flash work from home a little each week, with a few extra days off last month. We’ve had more purposeful family time, and I’ve finally checked off items that have lingered on my to-do list for months. A lot about life has been easier. Busier, but easier. And not as stressful. What in the world was doing before all this, when there were never enough hours in the day to get everything done?
During April, Houston freeways looked like a scene from a sci-fi movie; they were virtually deserted. It was a beautiful sight to traffic-weary eyes. But other scenes have been disturbing, particularly empty playgrounds. Even before they were roped off, they were deserted. As if all the children had been beamed up to another planet. I feel a chill every time I drive by a park; I miss the children.
Lately, as a sliver of light flickers at the end of the tunnel, I’ve been trying to decide what I want to keep from this time, and what I want to let go of when normal, albeit possibly a lengthy new normal, returns.
Definitely, exercise needs to stay. Other than the 12 days when Cowboy and I were ill recently, we’ve stuck to our plan. On weekdays, I give Cowboy exercise choices.
“Do you want to do a DVD, the stationary bike and the treadmill, or weights?” I ask.
At first, he chose an old, unopened Weight Watchers DVD that was coated with dust. Now, it’s my favorite workout, mixing cardio and weights. Cowboy seems to enjoy it, too. Or maybe he just enjoys watching cute girls in workout apparel.
One afternoon, I suggested, “Cowboy, let’s do this country line dancing workout video. You’ll love it.”
He nodded his head in agreement, and I started with the section where a skinny, perky cowgirl teaches each step that will be used in the remainder of the DVD. No problem, I told myself. We’ve line danced a million times.
But not all line dances were created equal; this was a far cry from the Cupid Shuffle. Many of the steps were difficult. If line dances in clubs were that complicated, people would vacate the dance floor and wait for the DJ to play something simple, like “YMCA.” Still, Cowboy did his best, and I didn’t correct him for fear he’d refuse to continue. My son likes to do things his way, to put it mildly.
Somehow, we made it through three songs. I glanced over at Cowboy, and asked, “You okay, babe?” Please, Lord, let him be tired and ready to quit, I prayed to myself.
He nodded his head, in spite of his having trouble keeping up with the dancers on the screen.
Finally, as the fourth song finished, I said, “Hey, you want a drink of water?” hoping he’d say yes so I wouldn’t appear as wimpy as I am. Thank God, he was thirsty, and then wanted to watch TV. We haven’t chosen that DVD since then.
Two weeks ago, I introduced him to Pilates. I used to make fun of that exercise; it sounds sissified. I realize you can never judge a workout DVD by its name, but “Pilates” is totally misleading. It should be called 101 New Ways to Torture Your Muscles. Or You May Never Get Off the Floor Again.
In addition to our getting fit, I want to continue our game playing and art projects. Flash was excited to start building a Lego Star Wars Hyena Droid Bomber with Cowboy last week. But last I heard, Flash was whining, “This thing is really hard,” while Cowboy watched his dad try to call upon The Force for help.
I’ve purchased 3 table top easels, 37 tubes and bottles of acrylic paints, and 15 canvases. We’ll have our first painting session this weekend. Move over, Bob Ross; my hair may be as big as yours soon, as well as my fame.
The most surprising thing I’ve learned during The Longest Number of Days at Home in the History of Ever is how happy I am with more structure in my weekdays. I get more accomplished, and appreciate the down time more. I imagine that’s how Cowboy feels, too. We haven’t followed our schedule perfectly every day, but simply having an outline and a list of choices of things to do has decreased empty time.
A few months ago, Cowboy’s doctor told me, “Too much down time leads to more anxiety.” I’d never heard that before, but I see it in Cowboy lately. When activities lessen too much, his obsessive behaviors worsen, and he is more agitated. Yesterday, he woke up anxious, so I thought about his teacher’s telling me that when he’d arrive at his vocational program every morning, he was ready to work immediately. So, right after breakfast, I hired him to shred the 50 tons of old papers that have lived in garbage bags in my guest room closet for far too long than I will admit. He calmed, enjoyed his work, and will earn well over a million dollars by the time it’s all finished.
My newest relaxation practices will continue. Every day, I take a few minutes to sit in the sun, with my bare feet on the soft grass. Most evenings, I sit outside alone enjoying the cool breeze - my reward for another completed workday. On weekends, our Saturday in the Park Picnics have become my favorite new tradition. We drive through our favorite local barbeque restaurant, and drive to a nearby lake to eat lunch. I aspire to become a habitual picnicker. It’s been refreshing to find entertainment in simple things.
On my birthday, Flash told me, “I want to take you to Evergreen Park.”
Thinking that sounded like a cemetery, I was a little concerned. Until he added, “It used to be a big golf course. Now they have disc golf, a driving range, and soccer golf.”
It was one of the prettiest and most peaceful parks we’ve been to, and soccer golf, or foot golf, is a sport even I can do. Kicking a ball into a large bucket in the ground. Easier than disc golf, not as complicated as using a golf club, and I didn’t sweat. I’ll be going back soon.
In addition to making some of these changes permanent in my personal life, I’m amending my mayoral campaign to help the community at large. In spite of my low-key political demeanor, I have big plans in my make-believe run for office. And, because my campaign takes place in my mind, I have trillions of dollars in my budget to do everything I want.
First, I’ll build apartments for the homeless. I know it’s a complex issue, but they need to be under a roof, not the freeways. Then, we’ll go from there. I’ll also fund more programs for veterans, ensuring that no veteran is alone in this world. Those without families will be cared for by adopted families, and homes will be chosen to host groups of veterans for the holidays. These issues have been first and foremost in my campaign for years. But after this self-quarantine time, I’ve added much more to my platform.
We’ll continue to see light freeway traffic due to my Staggered Work Hours Program; employees from different sections of Houston and surrounding cities will go to work at different times during the week. Apparently, my jurisdiction as mayor will include the entire Texas Gulf Coast region; perhaps I should make this easier by running for governor.
Every weekend will be a three-day weekend, with each employee choosing either Monday or Friday as their third day. On workdays, from 2 to 3 p.m., all businesses will halt operations so employees can enjoy siesta time, increasing productivity and decreasing grouchiness throughout the remainder of the work day by 90 percent. Of course, with all the technological learning we’ve had over the last few weeks, employees will have the option to work from home three days a week. Combined with the three-day weekends, this would mean driving into work only one day a week, reducing pollution and further clearing roadways. The One-Office-Day-Per-Week Plan will be strongly recommended for those hard-to-love employees.
Traffic lights everywhere will be synched with timers, so they will all turn to the same color at the same time. Well, all of them facing the same direction, of course. At a constant 45 mph for in-town driving, with vehicles safely social distancing between each other, we'll pass through multiple intersections without stopping, with no road rage.
Grocery stores will continue to limit the number of shoppers in their facilities, for the sake of every consumer who has ever had to wait for 30 minutes in the “limited items” line while the woman in front of her had 55 items. And 25 of those items were missing a price tag.
Every movie theater, bowling alley, arcade, indoor trampoline park, gym, and any facility with ball pits will continue to adhere to strict daily disinfecting practices. Perhaps for the first time, I won’t think about the trillions of germs in the finger holes of bowling balls.
Of course, partying will be a priority. After these weeks of seeing nobody but immediate family members, some may need therapy. And there is no therapy like party therapy. Weekends will consist of free food and free concerts in all public parks. And every year, the largest New Year's Eve party in the United States will take place throughout downtown Houston, with free festivities offered in every hotel, and a free night’s stay per attendee, until capacity is reached.
Most importantly, Matthew McConaughey will be my staunch supporter, and will attend every city council meeting via video calls, if not in person. I was deeply hurt I wasn’t invited to the LaPorte Independent School District’s meeting last week, when Matthew surprised many district employees by showing up via conference call. But I know you’ll make it up to me, Matthew.
My campaign promises, and my personal life, will reflect renovations I didn’t know we desperately needed until now. More time at home. Less traffic. No grocery store drama. Cleaner entertainment venues. Okay, I knew we needed cleaner bowling balls. City governments across America will implement my low-stress plans. We will return to society while refusing to return to the rat race of prior years.
And everything will be alright, alright, alright.